make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I deserve this hangover.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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