Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
