Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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