I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
