is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize