I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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