she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
