i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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