i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
