And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
