oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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