mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
