Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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