From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
