I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Pants are for mortals
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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