he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
