just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
