They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
