I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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