We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize