So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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