Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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