bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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