You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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