You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
