youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
