I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
