i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
