Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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