my mouth tastes like poor choices
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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