stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
