The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
