I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
