Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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