oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
