Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
