So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
