I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
