i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
