sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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