our cab driver is having phone sex.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
