My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
