I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
