I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
