Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
