nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
