If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
