haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
