Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
