Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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