Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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