I cut my penus on the lid.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
