I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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