You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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