Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize