Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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