Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
