Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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