im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
