maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
