I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
