dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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