i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
