Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
