This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
