Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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