Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
