my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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