Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
if only i could text you this smell
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
