we're blogging at a bar
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
