Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
