I'm gonna have a badass scar
okay pat passed out under dana's car
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
