i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
