I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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