Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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