watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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