There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
