i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
