are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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