your parents love me but you hate me
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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