he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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