I CAN MOONWALK!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
