Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
