Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
