Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
