This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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